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The final homily to the people of St. Mary, the Mother of God Parish, Marion, Ohio

Given July 12th , 2009

As I leave this place, I want to share with you a summery of my thoughts and feelings about this life, our relationship with God, and how He has taught us how to live.

Over the 5 years of priesthood I have enjoyed, as well as just being a regular old human being on this earth for the last 3 decades, I have come to realize a truth. All of us, every single one of us, myself included, are addicts.

All of us are addicted to the same thing as well. That addiction is sin. It is an addiction that we have had to endure since the moment of our conception, and will have to deal with on a day to day basis, until the day we leave this earth. Sin literally means “missing the mark” in the original Greek, sort of like a marksman that just can’t seem to get his bullet into the bullseye. We “miss the mark,” when we fail to love. A failure to love is what sin can be defined as.

Therefore in our lives we deal with this addiction. This “sin” that we speak of is our inability, or unwillingness to love the way we have been built to love- which is the way that God loves- total, self-giving and free. Sin has been a part of our lives and our humanity since the first sin of Adam, who failed to love his bride by giving his own life in that garden on that fateful day. (Romans 5:12)

So sin is in the world- and it manifests itself in all different ways in all of our lives. For some, it manifests itself in specific addictions, like alcoholism, or food, or bad relationships, to spending money or whatever you can think of. You can become addicted to anything. For some it manifests itself in self-loathing, or shame, or negative attitudes. For as many people as there are on the face of the earth, there are that many ways that sin can manifest itself in our lives.

Sin, as St. Paul points out in Romans, as well as Galations, is not something that we are capable of overcoming ourselves. In fact, he says that this is the reason that the Law of the Old Testament was so very strict- simply to show us that left to ourselves it cannot be done. Man has been, in some ways, utterly defeated by sin, insofar as he cannot overcome it by his own machinations. Many have tried- I have seen it. Maybe if I had this or that, or if I can just numb it away, or maybe if I punish myself or the people in my life it will make up for the void that sin leaves. The void that only love can fulfill.

Should I end the homily here, we would find ourselves saddened, dejected and depressed. The truth is though that this is thankfully where the story does not end. Jesus has conquered sin. He restores us to grace, and teaches us how to live in his image and likeness again though is sacrifice on the cross. It is possible through God’s grace that is more abundant than the seas of the ocean.

What does this mean in our lives? Well, the first thing we must do is to admit that all of us are completely powerless over sin. We must acknowledge just how unmanageable our lives can be when we are in the midst of it. How utterly defeated we personally are by it. Only in the admission of defeat can we look to a higher power, the one we realize can restore us to grace, health, and sanity. That power is none other than Jesus Christ Himself. It is in Him that the blight of sin will be eradicated from our lives, and further, we grow more and more into His image and likeness to love as He loves. He alone can do it. Without Him, we are doomed.

When we truly realize our defeated condition in the face of our addiction to sin, we have the real opportunity to turn everything over to God. Our will, our life- everything to Him who can take what has been damaged by sin, and not only restore it, but glorify it! Truly our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength. As St. Paul says, it is when I am weak that I am strong. My favorite antiphon from the liturgy is one that reads- “Surrender to God and He will do everything for you.” Have you truly surrendered to God? Have I? Surrender is a repulsive word in our culture, yet it is what we must do in the face of defeat.

Once we do this, the real work begins. Salvation isn’t just something given to us to put on a shelf and admire from time to time. With the gift of redemption comes the responsibility to let it work itself out in our lives. Therefore the next step after our utter surrender to Jesus, is to look at our lives. See how sin has hurt us- see how it has hurt other people in our lives, and turn even those over to Jesus. It is sort of moral inventory to let us know just how deeply sin has permeated our lives, and just how much God’s grace can overcome even that.

We take this examination of conscience, and we go to the confessional. We confess our sins, OUT LOUD to God, to another person, and even in a way to ourselves. There is something healing about this. There is a part of us that no longer has to hold on to the sin that once plagued us. We can let it go as the words leave our mouths. Jesus knew we needed this. Maybe this is why so many people are afraid of confession- it isn’t the judgment of the priest they fear- but their own judgment of themselves. But once it is spoken it is handed over and it is no longer ours.

This process continues as we look at our tendencies toward sin- the little splinters and thorns in our side- our little character defects that make us want to put down our cross and quit. These we must humbly ask God to remove for us, as it is impossible to remove them ourselves.

Sometimes these tendencies make us sin, as we try to avoid their painful sting, and we much understand that this can sometimes lead us to hurt others as well. Making amends to these people in our lives is what the grace of Jesus enables us to do. So we understand and think about who we have indebted ourselves to through sin, and with the help of Jesus, become willing to make amends.

This process should form our days- our own daily examination of conscience- our daily contact with God in the sacraments, especially in the Eucharist and Confession, so that each day we grow a little closer to the image and likeness of God that is being perfected in us, and farther from the defeat that sin has waiting for us.

Happiness in this life is something that ensues, not something that is pursued. I don’t know who told me that but I understand it. It means that to be perfect in this life is to continually grow- to confidently advance in our growth in Christ, that sin may not defeat us, but that in Jesus we can defeat it. We should never be surprised when a Christian falls or sins. We are sinners. We are addicts to sin. We should always rejoice when we avoid it though- for therein lies the true miracle.

Look at your fingernails before you go to bed. Look at them again in the morning. Whether you see it or not they have grown. That is what it is to be perfect in the journey of this life- to be better by the end of the day than you were at the beginning. To be more perfectly conformed to the grace of Jesus Christ than you were when you woke up. To confidently advance in our relationship with Jesus himself through prayer, through the sacraments, and in his grace is our daily goal, and our daily bread. Trees don’t grow in leaps and bounds, and neither do we. That is why it is OK (albeit frustrating) to confess the same sin over and over. This is what causes the growth- imperceptively at first, but over time the progress becomes clear and apparent. Over time it is possible for any of us to look like a John Paul II or a Mother Theresa. Their opportunities to encounter grace are no different from yours and mine.

At the end of the day, we are then called to love. This is the opposite of sin. It is what we have been built for, and learning to love is the very project and point of our lives. It is the choice of doing what is the highest good, no matter what the personal cost might be. It is how God loves us on the cross as He gave His most precious son to defeat death, and bring us healing and redemption. So we are commissioned, each and every one of us by our baptism, to take the message out to those who need. Not merely by word, by love, the only remedy to sin, and its only cure. Divine love that is given to us only by Jesus himself, every time a sinner is baptized, every time a penitent is absolved, and every time on all the altars of the world, the Eucharistic sacrifice is made, bringing us into spiritual and physical contact with our Savior Jesus Christ who defeats sin in the world, and in our lives.

May you be closer to the image and likeness of God and His freedom and love, than you were when you woke up this morning.

At St. Paul says- “May the Love of God our Father, the Grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you always…”

In Christ,

Fr. Joshua Wagner

Published in the Marion Star, December 12th, 2008

Setting Boundaries in Your Life

I have had the benefit of traveling around the world to different countries, and the first thing I notice about a new place that I go isn’t the new sites or the different food, but usually, how people drive.  How people drive tells you a lot about the culture that you are in.  For instance, in Italy, the lines on the road are mere suggestions.  There isn’t really such a thing as a “lane” of traffic, as you will commonly see civilian, police, and even government officials casually weaving in and out of traffic.  Germany (and the United States) are very different indeed- we always stay right within the lines.  Funny how you can apply this analogy to how the cultures work too! There isn’t a lot of personal space with the Italians, and the Germans are often hold people at a safe distance.

Still, even for the road-savvy Italian there are rules to follow, even if they are a little more flexible than they might be here.  Those little lines in the road are necessary for people, or else we would be driving all over the place, crashing into each other, causing mayhem and destruction.  You will never catch an Italian driver driving on the wrong side of the road on purpose because he doesn’t want to wreck his car!

Boundaries are necessary in our lives too, so that we don’t end up “wrecking” our life.  Yet boundaries are so difficult to establish and maintain, and once you start to compromise your personal boundaries, they are hard to put back up.

What do I mean by “boundaries”?  Boundaries are the personal rules that we establish so that people don’t walk all over us- that people don’t take advantage of us- consequently we maintain our own personal dignity- in order that we might maintain not only our identity, but our sanity as well.

Have you ever met someone who tries to please everyone?  That is a person without boundaries.  They will be a different person depending on who is in the room, because they feel that they need the validation of the person who they are with.  They may even compromise their dignity or integrity to please someone else.  I imagine that this is not only tiring, but confusing as well.

Sometimes the boundaries we set are easy, and some are difficult.  If I have an unhealthy person in my life, I might have to tell them not to call, or tell them I can’t see them.  If I have an unhealthy habit, like eating too much, I might have to put a boundary on myself to not open the refrigerator after 6:00 PM. Boundaries come in all shapes and sizes.

If my boundary involves another person, there is something important to remember.  When we establish a boundary with someone (for example, I will only talk to so-and-so at the office about work), it is OUR responsibility to maintain that boundary, not theirs.  I can communicate that boundary to my co-worker, boss, friend or family, but it is not their responsibility to maintain a boundary I have established, it is my responsibility to do whatever it takes.  If they don’t want to respect our boundary, then maybe it is time to look at how good the relationship is for everyone involved.

It is sort of like a privacy fence at a house.  If I put one up, thus putting up a boundary on my property, it is not my neighbor’s job to maintain that fence; it is mine.  Likewise, if the boundary regards personal relationships, habits, or even ethical situations in a job, it is not anyone’s responsibility to maintain the boundaries that I have established except for me.

Establishing boundaries, the establishment of a set of norms and rules that guide my life, is really a sign of self-respect and loving oneself in a proper way.  It helps us to have integrity in our lives in any given situation, and prevent those “wrecks” that might happen on the road of life if we go outside the lines.

This article was published in the Marion Star, Wednesday November 5th, 2008

The Devil Made Me Do It…

I have a confession to make.  I don’t like to admit it, but I think that the truth must be known.  Two weeks ago -  I ate sugar.  I know.  Take a second to drink that in for a second.  Ready?  OK let’s move on.

To those who are parishioners at St. Mary, you might well understand why I feel I need to come clean.  My first weekend in Marion, I publicly declared two things to the people of my parish, the first is that Thursday’s are my day off, and the second is that I never eat sugar.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

See it is all sorts of innocent…  I have a Mediterranean friend in Columbus who owns one of the best Greek restaurants in town (I think).  Whenever I want to impress friends or family I take them there.  I am friends with the owner, and at times I stop by just to say hello to her and partake in some gyros and conversation (can those Greeks talk!)

Invariably when I go, my friend tries to get me to eat some cheesecake, pie, chocolate cake.  Usually, I am resilient and and give a hearty “no, thank you,” but the last time I was in, she placed the pastry in front of me, put a fork in my hand, and told me to eat.  What choice did I have?  What could have I possibly done?

So I ate.  Folks, let me tell you, there is nothing like free, homemade, and fresh cheesecake covered in strawberries.  I can still taste it.  Can you?

I would love to blame my friend for having put the temptation in front of me.  I would love to say that it is her fault that I ate the cake.  I wish that I could point the finger at her and say that I had no choice in the matter, but all of that would be false.  Really, she was just being a good friend, a good Greek, and she didn’t know anything about my “vow of sugarlessness.”

I made the choice to eat the cake.  There was no gun pointed to my head.  I took that fatal first bite myself and succumbed to temptation.  (The rest was a blur after that first bite, by the way!  I think I ate the plate too…)

It is a pretty common sentiment in our culture to point the finger and blame everyone else for what we choose to do.  It is easy to point the finger when I fail to choose the good-  a lot of us, including myself, have done it ever since we were little kids.

In the end, each of us is responsible for ourselves.  When we do something, unless there is actual violent force involved, we choose to do it.  If someone makes us feel guilty about something, it is because we allowed them to make us feel guilty.  If someone manipulates or tempts us, it is us who succumbs to the temptation.

“We are the guardians at the doorway of our own minds.”

Likewise, it isn’t possible for us to dictate how someone else should act, nor should we try to manipulate them into acting in a way that we would want them too, or even try to “fix” them.  Good or bad, the only person whose actions we can determine are our own.  It is our responsibility to keep our own “side of the street” clean, and no one else’s.  Additionally, we cannot clean someone else’s side of the street, although it is possible to help someone who is in need when they accept our help.

Here is the good news- no matter where we might be at this point, because of the decisions we have made and the circumstances we have been put into, it is always possible to re-claim our freedom.  Freedom from addiction, freedom from the manipulations of other people, freedom to make decisions that are for our good, and the good of those around us, even if, at times, they are tough.

To accomplish this we may need to make the decision to reach out for some help to reclaim our freedom.

Doing the right thing is tough- we fear being rejected, of failing, or even pain, but in the end when we freely choose the highest good for ourselves and for those around us, more good will ultimately come from it.  Everything is Possible!

It happens every time doesn’t it?The clock always runs out, the credits roll, the party always ends, and the bill comes at the end of the meal.”All good things must come to an end,” as the saying goes.It is just a fact of this life, that as much as we would like to try and hold on to a particular thing, or a particular moment, everything eventually comes and goes- no matter how good it might be.

This is true of relationships too.I have never seen a human relationship on this planet last forever.They all come to an end in this life one way or another, either by our choice, circumstance, or death itself.Some relationships end after a brief time, while others can last a lifetime- yet the fact remains that at one point or another we have to say “good-bye.”

Sometimes we have to say “good-bye” to a person or even particular phase of a relationship because it was it best for ourselves or the person in our lives.It is true that if we want to let someone grow, at times, we have to let them go- like a son going off to college, or a father walking his daughter down the aisle.Just because a plant outgrows the flower pot, does not mean the pot was bad!

In my line of work, I see a lot of endings.I have seen friendships end, married couples going their separate ways, people moving to different cities or countries, children leaving home, and most poignantly, beloved family members passing beyond the veil into the next life.In my own life I have had friends and family come and go, and I have never witnessed an ending that doesn’t come along with at least a little pain and grief of separation, even if the relationship was a rough one at times.

It is funny how easy it is to characterize how “good” or “bad” a relationship is on how it ended.In much the same way, a good book can be spoiled by a bad ending, a memorable meal spoiled by the bill, or a great ball game ruined by the final score.

The truth is that no matter how a relationship comes to an end- by death, choice, or circumstance- every relationship we have, be it 30 minutes or 30 years, easy or difficult, has something good to teach us.Every relationship has the ability to teach us how to be authentic, how to grow, and how to love.There is good in every relationship, even if it wasn’t easy or healthy; even if it was to teach us who we shouldn’t be with!

When we get to those inevitable “good-byes” in life we have a choice.We can let the ending, with its unavoidable pains of separation, determine how good a relationship was, or we can simply focus on the good that the experience brought into our lives.

There is a test, I believe, in determining how “good” a relationship might have been.I ask myself if I would do it again, knowing how it was going to end.If the answer is “yes,” I know that I have had an experience that has made me grow into a better human being- more capable of loving myself and others, and it eases the pain that endings can bring.If the answer was “no,” I know what to avoid in the future, and I have learned something valuable.When I reflect on past relationships in this way, I can actually find a spirit of gratitude, peace, healing, and even joy in the midst of grief.